“You go, Colorado. Just goes to show you can make good decisions when you’re high.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“The reason the court kicked Trump off the ballot is the 14th Amendment’s so-called insurrection clause, which states that no one can hold an office of the United States if they ‘have engaged in insurrection or rebellion against the same or given aid or comfort to the enemies thereof.’ The insurrection, in this case, is Jan. 6, and ‘aid and comfort to our enemies’ is his side hustle.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“The Colorado Supreme Court ruled yesterday that former President Trump is ineligible to run again for president, while the Florida Supreme Court ruled he already won.” — SETH MEYERS
The Punchiest Punchlines (Paraphrasing Hitler Edition)
“After facing comparisons to Adolf Hitler, former President Trump said yesterday that immigrants are destroying the blood of our country and added, ‘They said, “Oh, Hitler said that in a much different way.”’ But you’ve already lost the argument if you have to say, ‘Guys, I wasn’t quoting Hitler — I was paraphrasing him.’” — SETH MEYERS
“That’s right, after facing comparisons to Adolf Hitler, Trump said that immigrants are destroying the blood of our country and added, ‘I’ve never read “Mein Kampf.”’ Yeah, no one thought you had. I’d be surprised if you read ‘The Art of the Deal.’” — SETH MEYERS
“[imitating Trump] Everyone is saying that I’ve read ‘Mein Kampf,’ but that is a lie: I reached the same conclusions as Hitler independently. And while I’ve got your attention — folks, hold on — while I’ve got your attention, and I’m just spitballin’ here, what say we invade Poland?” — STEPHEN COLBERT
The Bits Worth Watching
Liam Neeson narrated what Stephen Colbert called “the new animated classic,” “The Indict-Mare Before Christmas,” on Wednesday’s “Late Show.”
What We’re Excited About on Thursday Night
Amy Poehler will catch up with her former “Saturday Night Live” castmate Seth Meyers on Thursday’s “Late Night.”
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